We’re getting ready to elect a new US Senator to replace Dick Durbin. I think he’s been wholly inadequate. I won’t say he’s not smart, but it seems he doesn’t have a good grasp on, anything. He needs to go.
We can vote a person in but congress and the press may override us and try to force the elected to run away crying. A candidate would have to have great stamina, and be strong, smart, and loyal, which is the opposite of DD. A senator has to be “dogged”.
Who would be more dogged than a real dog? Nobody would. I nominate the dog-of-the-hour, Conan.
Conan isn’t a barbarian. Reports are mixed as to whether Conan is a male or female. Everyone agrees that Conan, who is reportedly named after one of the most annoying talk show hosts on the planet, is a Belgian Malinois dog. We used to call that breed a Belgian Shepherd.
The Belgian Malinois, Conan, is credited with chasing an ISIS warlord down a tunnel from which the warlord went everywhere.
The Belgian Malinois was featured in the movie, “John Wick 3”. The character Sofia had a pair of them that were ruthless Kung Fu hounds. If you see this movie you will be impressed, then astounded, and then terrified of these dogs.
I can vouch for that breed, because I had one. While I was in Germany a fellow GI talked me into adopting his dog, this one named “Helga”. Helga was a dog among dogs, and would make an excellent US Senator from Illinois. Frankly, a salamander would be up to par for congress or the senate but I’m done with the slimy factor, no offense.
Helga was the poster-girl for stamina. She was high-energy and needed a lot of exercise. The only safe place for her to run on base was the tennis court. I’d tie the gates closed and take her off-lead. She’d run around and around, ever faster and faster. I remember thinking she was like the tigers in the banned children’s book, “Little Black Sambo”. The tigers in the book ran so fast they turned into butter, and Helga seemed to become fluid-like too. Her expression would turn wolfish and some primal sense of danger would erupt in me. We both knew she could take me out anytime she wished. She ran so wildly she’d turn into a blur that occasionally would jump and grab my soda or hat as she ran by. Eventually she’d calm down enough to go back on the lead and we’d go home to water for her and a nerve pill for me. I want that in a senator. That senator could grab the most tender parts of the fake press, or cull the congressional herd to the benefit of our country.
Helga was smart and strong. When we got tired of the nightly runs at the tennis court we changed venues. One of us, I’m not sure which, thought it’d be a good idea to climb the fence and go off-base into the hilly, dark forest. I didn’t even try to keep up with her as she dug in with muscular shoulders to race up the hills and bound over rocks and logs. I’d listen for her, and try to catch sight of her but she was gone. Just when I’d give up, Helga would appear out of nowhere and laugh as she stole my hat along with a significant amount of my hair. I want a senator that can accelerate uphill in Washington and bound over legislative obstacles like Helga did, even if it costs someone a hat or some hair.
Our last trip to the woods changed everything. We followed our script of Helga disappearing and me being confused, but then I heard her barking and growling viciously. I found my way to her and she’d treed a big ugly Infantryman and wouldn’t let him go. He tried to outsmart Helga, but she anticipated his every move. I never saw her bite him but there was a tell-tale thread of Army green hanging from her fang. When I led her away, she kept staring back at the soldier, psyching him, and me out.
I decided Helga wouldn’t run for reelection. I asked around and a young naïve family came to meet her. She took up with them immediately and merely nodded at me as they walked out of my life. I guess she failed at the loyalty factor, but nobody is perfect. I don’t think that attribute won’t be a deal-breaker for the senate.
In closing, I know the breed and the character of Conan. I also know the breed and character of our senator. I choose Conan. He or she will bound right into Washington, tree the problems, and maybe take some hats and sodas.
To summarize, dump Durbin. Vote for stamina, strength, smarts, and loyalty. Vote “Conan” for US Senator from Illinois. Well, maybe not loyalty, but I bet she can get save us from bankruptcy, just like Rin Tin Tin did.
Fini.
You can contact Charlie via email at geezer.rocker@gmail.com or by mail at PO Box 378, Norris City, Il 62869. He’ll answer if he’s not treed.
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