Fuzzy math is related to fuzzy logic and fuzzy set theory. It’s not related to fuzzy peaches or fuzzy-wuzzy, who was a bear. In that case, he somehow had no hair, which makes no sense. He wasn’t fuzzy, was he?
It’s like money is money. A buck is a buck, unless it’s a sawbuck, which is more. To everyone, a fin means you’re swimming in moolah. Not so. In the Air Force my boss got all new office furniture while there was no money for tools or safety equipment. How is that possible? It’s different money. It looks the same, and has the same denominations, but it’s very different. You can’t spend office money for other things because the universe will implode. The Federal numbers are so fuzzy I don’t even think the accountants know what to do. It’s like the old accounting joke. “What’s 2 plus 2? It’s whatever you want it to be.” As another example, when the Arkansas Two were legally running the show, the military had no moolah for anything including equipment used to defend our other money. When dignitaries were coming to the base double-pinky-swear-secret money paid for custom landscaping on base highways and byways. After the 7 minute visit, more secret money paid to remove the landscaping. Why remove it? Obviously, because we had no money. Duh. Fuzzy math was doing its special job.
I was working at a healthcare center and we found some money to pour a concrete patio. Patio money is not like any other money anywhere, so it’s sacred. I called around and a local guy said he could pour the concrete in a couple of days. We shook hands so the deal was binding. By my watch it was 2 weeks later when I called. He assured me he’d be there in 2 days. His numbers must be different than my numbers because after 5 years he has yet to show up. I also made a deal with a plumber to give a bid. He also said he’d be here in 2 days. His 2 days must be infinity because I haven’t seen him in my idea of what’s 2 years.
Everyone in my family has what we call a “phone”. We use the phones to do chores and to ignore each other. A dead battery is almost as bad as being really dead. Once again, the numbers are flexible. My wife will be on her phone watching cat videos or Googling how to torture a husband. She’ll get in a panic because her phone is going dead. She’ll try to get the charger from me. When I ask how much battery charge she has, she’ll say “Just a few minutes. It only has 33% left.” In this case a third of a charge equals nothing. I tried to explain to her that 33% is a lot. That much gas in the tank can get me to the Cardinal café about 80 times. That’s like 4 days or more but she doesn’t agree that it’s a lot. For my Grandson, who’s busy discovering trucks and girls, his charge is entirely different. I’ll ask him how much of a charge he has. He’ll say “I’m good. I have 4%. I can text like 8 girls and shop for really big tires. No problem.” As you can see, the numbers in the smart phone Galaxy are not specific. They’re so fuzzy I don’t even know how iPhone at all. I need to write a sad song like the one Samsung. The differing ideas about what constitutes a charged battery makes me all Google-eyed and I want to face-Palm. Really, I got a million of them.
A buck is not a buck, and a day is not a day. A mile-per hour is not a MPH either. I can be pretty sure that I’m going around 55 miles per hour. While I can’t be completely sure that’s my speed I’m pretty sure. I can’t watch the speedometer all of the time because that’d be distracted driving. It’d distract me from tuning my 8-track player and setting up the phone hands-free functions as required by state law. So when the trooper tickets me for going 88 in a 55, any judge can tell that the numbers are so variable there’s no way they can punish me for speeding. Now, if the judge had a different idea of miles and hours, anything can happen. I mentioned that to our circuit court judge, and he’s going to get back to me in a couple of days. He said he’ll give me a call if can find the correct money to charge his phone up past 66%.
I’ve proven without a reasonable doubt math, and even numbers, don’t tell you anything. If numbers were useful you could compute things like, “How high is up?” You know everyone worries about that math problem because every day people say, “What’s up?” Nobody knows.
P.S.: I computed a solution for “What’s up?” The answer is “halfway times two.”
Fini.
You can contact Charlie via email at geezer.rocker@gmail.com or by mail at PO Box 378, Norris City, Il 62869. His “Geezer Rock” books are available on Amazon.com if you have the right kind of money and the right time.
No comments:
Post a Comment